Tips for Divorcing Parents in Florida
DONT CONFIDE IN YOUR CHILD
Don’t confide in your child about the details of your divorce. No matter how seemingly mature your child is or how much you think he or she “needs to know” what’s going on, DON’T DO IT. Get a counselor, call a friend, or talk to a complete stranger if you have to, but please do not speak to your child about the details of your divorce. Your child is the product of your relationship with your spouse and no matter how badly you are hurting… no matter how disappointed…no matter how shocked you may be with your spouse’s conduct, you must refrain from discussing it with your child. There will be time, when your child is an adult, to ponder the character of his or her parents. Childhood and the teen years are not the appropriate time for such matters. Children are self-focused and their primary concern is how your divorce or separation will affect them. They want to know that they will still be loved, cared for, and important to both of you. It is your job—your first job—to ensure that they are secure, and that their world remains as stable as possible throughout the divorce.
When Florida courts are called upon to evaluate divorcing parents and to make important custody and visitation decisions, they evaluate your conduct based on the 20 “best interest” factors set forth in Florida Statutes 61.13. These 20 factors are listed in the chart below, and are worth taking note of and evaluating at the very beginning of your case. Take the time to review the chart and make sure your conduct is aligned with each of the factors. Take the time to review the conduct of the other parent to see whether his or her conduct is better or worse than yours. If both of you score high on the chart, your child is fortunate and, in my opinion, you should be able to work together to create a contact and visitation schedule with your child by agreement.
Several of the 20 “best interest” factors focus on the demonstrated capacity of parents to consider the child and put the child’s interests and needs before their own. It is noteworthy that courts focus on what has been demonstrated by the actions of the parents before and during the divorce process. If your spouse has been cheating on you and you talk to your child about it—particularly if you are saying things like “your father left us for his girlfriend”, or “your mother left us for her boyfriend” —and your child is angry with the other parent for his or her marital misconduct, you are placing your own interest in obtaining an ally in the child above the child’s interest in having a relationship with the other parent. If your cheating, lying spouse, by contrast, has shielded the child from learning the sordid details of the divorce and has made efforts to continue to be a good parent, he or she may ultimately be considered the better parent by the court and may be awarded custody of the child.
If you are going through a custody legal matter, you need to read the 20 factors at the very beginning of your case and focus your attention and energy on your conduct, rather than the conduct of your spouse. The end result of this focus and restraint will be a much less tainted childhood for your child. You will have the ability to hold your head high and be proud that you truly put your child’s interest first. Your child will thank you some day.
CHART WITH BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILD FACTORS:
Factor: Father Mother
| (a) The demonstrated capacity and disposition of each parent to facilitate and encourage a close and continuing parent-child relationship, to honor the time-sharing schedule, and to be reasonable when changes are required. | ||
| (b) The anticipated division of parental responsibilities after the litigation, including the extent to which parental responsibilities will be delegated to third parties.(c) The demonstrated capacity and disposition of each parent to determine, consider, and act upon the needs of the child as opposed to the needs or desires of the parent.
(d) The length of time the child has lived in a stable, satisfactory environment and the desirability of maintaining continuity.
(e) The geographic viability of the parenting plan, with special attention paid to the needs of school-age children and the amount of time to be spent traveling to effectuate the parenting plan. This factor does not create a presumption for or against relocation of either parent with a child. (f) The moral fitness of the parents. Factor: (g) The mental and physical health of the parents.
(h) The home, school, and community record of the child.
(i) The reasonable preference of the child, if the court deems the child to be of sufficient intelligence, understanding, and experience to express a preference.
(j) The demonstrated knowledge, capacity, and disposition of each parent to be informed of the circumstances of the minor child, including, but not limited to, the child’s friends, teachers, medical care providers, daily activities, and favorite things.
(k) The demonstrated capacity and disposition of each parent to provide a consistent routine for the child, such as discipline, and daily schedules for homework, meals, and bedtime.
(l) The demonstrated capacity of each parent to communicate with and keep the other parent informed of issues and activities regarding the minor child, and the willingness of each parent to adopt a unified front on all major issues when dealing with the child.
(m) Evidence of domestic violence, sexual violence, child abuse, child abandonment, or child neglect, regardless of whether a prior or pending action relating to those issues has been brought.
(n) Evidence that either parent has knowingly provided false information to the court regarding any prior or pending action regarding domestic violence, sexual violence, child abuse, child abandonment, or child neglect.
(o) The particular parenting tasks customarily performed by each parent and the division of parental responsibilities before the institution of litigation and during the pending litigation, including the extent to which parenting responsibilities were undertaken by third parties.
(p) The demonstrated capacity and disposition of each parent to participate and be involved in the child’s school and extracurricular activities. (q) The demonstrated capacity and disposition of each parent to maintain an environment for the child which is free from substance abuse.
(r) The capacity and disposition of each parent to protect the child from the ongoing litigation as demonstrated by not discussing the litigation with the child, not sharing documents or electronic media related to the litigation with the child, and refraining from disparaging comments about the other parent to the child.
(s) The developmental stages and needs of the child and the demonstrated capacity and disposition of each parent to meet the child’s developmental needs.
(t) Any other factor that is relevant to the determination of a specific parenting plan, including the time-sharing schedule.
|
|